if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
