smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
