I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
