She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize