don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
