Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
