Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
