You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
