I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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