I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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