I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
