she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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