I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
