just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
