she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
