I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
