If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
