my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
