It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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