the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
