she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
