Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
