so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
