OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
