I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
