I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
