I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Boobs are out for the taking
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
