You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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