I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize