ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
