I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
