This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize