woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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