sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize