she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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