Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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