At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
