You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
