I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need water and some morals
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
