the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
