I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
