Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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