I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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