We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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