I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
