I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
