It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
