she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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