when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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