How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That accounts for only three of the penises
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
