Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize