she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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