I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
