they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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