Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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