i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i think im in europe. pls send help
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
