Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
