I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
