You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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