I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
