I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
