she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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