Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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