So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
