So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
