i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize