My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize