I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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