Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
