Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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